The Usual

It's one in the morning. I feel as though eighty pound weights have been tied to my entire body and I just want the world to disappear. They say relationships and love was supposed to take you off to a newly created reality, a realm you could call it. Instead for me at least, it carries me to the top of a mountain high enough where I feel like I'm finally away from the society, my troubles and pains. Then here comes the drop. I try to reach out and slow my fall but the more I think or move the faster I drop. But here comes the harsh part. It doesn't allow me to hit the bottom, no that would be too easy. It breaks the fall right when all hope is lost, then starts the climb all over again.

It's a dreaded cycle, one that I have the opportunity of leaving but destined to stay. No matter how much I wished that I could reach the top and crate my own life there, it never happens. What's funny though is that it leads you to wish harder and harder that it will happen until you've tied your own blindfold. Deluded in your own false happiness then it nudged you to the edge of the mountain. You feel the pending doom but you know you can't stop it because the more you try, the bigger the problem becomes.


I finally understand the phrase I once heard on some random show that "love is a lot like freefalling". Only I no longer just understand this phrase, it has morphed itself beyond that, controlling my relationship and everything that comes along with it. It's a terrible thing to admit but the truth is usually never what you believe it to be.

Thanks for reading the post of a troubled teen and I hope you stay for the ride. There is a lot more to come.